A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer, "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"

"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do."

How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client.
Getting married to a Punjabi? If you are not a Punjabi yourself, then get ready for a boatload of surprises. You will spend the rest of your life with, arguably, the happiest people on earth but with a few side effects. Just don't bother to change them, because nothing done in the past has worked.

Enjoy the ride and get used to these 16 things:
1. Everyone, almost everyone around you will talk loudly; get used to it.
Even if you are standing just inches away from people at home, they will still shout out to you, as if you were standing a few blocks away from them.

2. Almost every day, there is going to be some sort of drama.
The smallest things will trigger emotional outbursts. It may involve - you have been warned - crying and cursing, too. Just hold your ground, count till 100 if you are scared or bored and let it pass. Punjabis get back to their good-natured selves very soon.

3. Don't forget to use the standard prefix 'Ji' else you will be insulting everyone if you don't do that.
No matter what you call your mom and dad, when married into a Punjabi family, mummy becomes 'mummy ji', Daddy become 'daddy Ji', your sister-in-law becomes 'parjhai ji' , and so on.

4. A Punjabi family is not big, it's huge, and you've got to keep it like that.
Relatives are going to be there in every part of the country, and the world. You will have to please them, whether they come from Bhatinda, Ludhiana, Chandigarh or Canada.

5. Kanneda and Amreeka are scared places. Anyone who stays there is an important NRI relative.
They are addressed as Kanneda wali bua ji, Kanneda wale Chacha Ji, Kanneda wale Phoofa ji, and you must give them special attention, care and time.

6. Breakfast means Paranthas. And if the temperature outside is soaring, there's Lassi too.
Once married into a Punjabi family, forget about dieting. Firstly, they don't like thin and lean people, and, secondly, they won't let you go on a diet come what may. Don't worry about variety. There's aloo, gobhi, muli, daal, even egg ka parantha, which will always be served with a large dollop of butter and a glass of Lassi.
7. Don't even think about saying 'I don't know how to dance!!!'
It's the biggest offence to not be able to dance if you're in a Punjabi family. They don't expect you to be professional or poised, as far as you can shake your legs a bit (wildly).....

8. Forget about saving, only think about giving.
Punjabis are the most generous people. Being generous runs in the blood of Punjabis.

9. Sometimes they show off a bit, but it's all in good faith.
Latest jewellery, big cars, big house, lavish weddings, huge meals; they are going to show off in every aspect of life, wherever it is possible to do so.

10. Don't mind, but most Punjabis can't converse without abusing.

11. Be ready for the family hug at every occasion.
No matter if it's a birthday party, anniversary or wedding, it remains incomplete without a BIG family hug.

12. Nothing will ever compare to the warmth and love of Beeji.
Anything small or big, beeji (grandma) will always take your side and lend you unconditional support through thick and thin.

13. B is always for butter chicken.

14. All the despairs will be drowned in alcohol.
Ask for as much as you want.

15. You cannot wear plain clothes; it is below the prestige of the family. And if you do, this is what you should expect from your mother-in-law.

16. And lastly, to qualify as a Punjabi bahu, you must know how to make perfectly round chapattis. If not, nothing else can compensate it!