An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came Swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."
One man comes home from work and can't find his wife. He is looking for her all over town, calls all her friends, publishes her picture in the paper, but in vain. After two days of searching he returns home and finds his lost wife sitting in the kitchen eating a big plate of pasta.
"You're alive?" he shouts and covers her with kisses, "I was so worried about you, where have you been all this time?"
"Five men kidnapped me," replied the woman, "Made me into their sex slave for a whole week."
"It's horrible my dear!" cries the husband, "But wait, you disappeared only for two days!"
"I know!!" replied the woman, "I came back for just a shower and to eat something."