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Funny Jokes

As we all prepare to start a new year, it is time again to make those ever so important New Year's Resolutions. Here is my list of recent years' resolutions and the revised ones for 2018.

Resolution #1
2015: I will try to be a better husband to Mona.
2016: I will not leave Mona.
2017: I will try for reconciliation with Mona.
2018: I will try to be a better husband to Priya.

Resolution #2
2015: I will stop looking at other women.
2016: I will not get involved with Priya.
2017: I will not let Priya pressure me into another marriage.
2018: I will stop looking at other women.

Resolution #3
2015: I will not let my boss push me around.
2016: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2017: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2018: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

Resolution #4
2015: I will read at least 20 good books a year
2016: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2017: I will read 5 books a year.
2018: I will finish Space.

Resolution #5
2015: I will not get upset when Andy and Mandy make jokes about my baldness.
2016: I will not get annoyed when Andy and Mandy kid me about my toupee.
2017: I will not lose my temper when they tell the guys I wear a girdle.
2018: I will not speak to Andy and Mandy.

Resolution #6
2015: I will get my weight down below 180.
2016: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2017: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2018: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

Resolution #7
2015: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2016: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2017: I will not become a "problem drinker".
2018: I will not miss any AA meetings.

Resolution #8
2015: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2016: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2017: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2018: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2018.

Resolution #9
2015: I will see my dentist this year.
2016: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2017: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2018: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

Resolution #10
2015: I will go to church every Sunday.
2016: I will go to church as often as possible.
2017: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2018: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.
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