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News and Politics Jokes

What's the difference between a normal politician and Shashi Tharoor?

Normal Politician: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Shashi Tharoor: Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

Normal Politician: Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
Shashi Tharoor: Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

Normal Politician: All that glitters is not gold.
Shashi Tharoor: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

Normal Politician: Beggars are not choosers.
Shashi Tharoor: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

Normal Politician: Dead men tell no tales.
Shashi Tharoor: Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

Normal Politician: Beginner's luck.
Shashi Tharoor: Neophyte's serendipity.

Normal Politician: Birds of a feather flock together.

Shashi Tharoor: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

Normal Politician: Beauty is only skin deep.
Shashi Tharoor: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

Normal Politician: Cleanliness is godliness.
Shashi Tharoor: Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

Normal Politician: There's no use crying over spilt milk.
Shashi Tharoor: It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

Normal Politician: You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks.
Shashi Tharoor: It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

Normal Politician: Look before you leap.
Shashi Tharoor: Surveillance should precede saltation.

Normal Politician: He who laughs last, laughs best.
Shashi Tharoor: The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

Normal Politician: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Shashi Tharoor: Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

Normal Politician: Where there's smoke, there's fire!
Shashi Tharoor: Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.venance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
Application To Take Wife Out For Anniverasy Dinner

To,
The SHO
Police Thana Hazartganz
Lucknow

Respected Sir,
I am a common man of this country, I have been married for 24 years and my 25th anniversary is coming up shortly. I had planned to take my wife out for a special anniversary dinner, all these years she has been complaining that I am not a very romantic person so I wanted to take her out for a candle light dinner where I plan to have champagne, hold her hands, look into her eyes, present her with a rose and a diamond ring, subsequently I plan to order some mutton with rice eat my dinner in peace and come back home.

Sir, of late I have been reading in the newspapers that some Anti Romeo Squads have been made to catch rowdy elements who tease girls, Sir I think this is a very good idea and there should be no compromise on the safety and security of our girls, I have also read that just by the look in the eyes these policemen can make out who these Romeos are, and recently they caught a brother and sister sitting together and took them to the Police Station.

Sir, even though I am not a very romantic person but just for one day I wanted to get that romantic look in my eyes to impress my wife, but Sir am scared that just by that look the Police may think I am a Romeo and arrest me. I assure you Sir that look will all be made up only for a few hours and will become normal after that. As far as mutton is concerned I will order Paneer if that is permitted and think that I am eating mutton.

I am a law abiding, tax paying citizen of the country and hence Sir would request you to grant me permission to take my wife out for this dinner.

Copy of my Aadhaar card, PAN card, driving licence, Passport, Identity card are enclosed for your verification please.

Looking forward to an early reply from you Sir.

With warm regards yours sincerely
xxxxxxxxx
Trump's first day at the Oval Office. First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI.

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.
CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump: The Democrats created them.
CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA: We can't do that.
Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump: Why not?
CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
Trump: What? Why?
CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
FBI: We can't do that.
Trump: Why not?
FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?
Trump: I am banning H1Bs.
USCIS: You cannot do that.
Trump: Why?
Chief of staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump: What the hell should I do???
CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!!

God bless America!
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